and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
