Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
