its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize