hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
