dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
