Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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