K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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