I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
