and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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