Pregnant stripper...not hot.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
