At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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