i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
