I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
