i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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