well you can't waste a boner
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
