just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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