wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
