wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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