I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm really busy with my period
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