I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
