He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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