I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
