you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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