Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
