I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
