i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
