i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
accomplished twins. life is a go
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
