i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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