Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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