He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
