This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
