this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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