My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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