You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
