She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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