did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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