i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
