I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
