Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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