I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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