I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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