She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fuck appropriateness.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
