Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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