She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
