I hate your face
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
