You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
