I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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