There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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