The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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