I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
