would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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