I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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