Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
