i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
