dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
