Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
