FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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