Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
