Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
