I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
